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I will admit some days I wake up I don't feel like myself, I don't feel like I am ready to be strong and I want to stay in the comfort of my home just because I feel weak. But guess what I do?
I show up and I will keep showing up because I feel like if I don't show up I will just miss out on something that could change my life. I see everything as a miracle. When I show up I think about it this way:" yeah I'm here, I don't want to be here but yet here I am because I know I need to be it's my responsibility to be in school, or to be in the house of God... All I gotta do is make the best of it, I don't want to smile but I will because it will change my mood and maybe I'll be happier when I leave" that was me talking to myself. I talk to myself all the time to be honest a little too much but that's besides the point.
Reasons why you should show up somewhere you know you have to be is because it's your responsibility to be there. Those places can be school, work, church or house of God, family gathering... you know you have to be there but for some reason you're feeling weak and you think if you stay by yourself you will be safer, you will feel better let me tell you this YOU'RE WRONG SHOW UP ANYWAY. I know it's easier said than done. But let me tell you a little bit about my background story...
I have been in those depressing moods for days and I was at a point where I didn't want to be around people at that time I didn't know any better so I stayed by myself. I would not go out just because I was sad, I used to sleep a lot and I wouldn't eat much. I was really young and at the time I didn't know anything about being depressed, I thought it was normal to just be alone and to avoid everyone. After a while I realize that being alone wasn't much help because I was still sad and I hated it, I used to have a lot of energy always laughing playing around but I started walking around like a sad blob. So you know what I did when I was fed up with myself? I started reaching out to people older than me, I started to make friends even if I was awkward and even if I didn't want to. I started feeling better and I even became part of the girls basketball team somehow I talked my way into it, I know I didn't work my way into it because I never played a game but they loved having me around just because I was funny. Me FUNNY? I didn't believe that my life would change. I still fight the feeling of avoiding everyone and being alone but I know it doesn't solve anything.
Fighting back the feeling of pushing everyone away is not something you battle with once, you constantly have to make a decision to keep yourself going. It will get easier and remember that you are never alone, it will feel like it but you're not alone. Someone is battling with the same feeling you have. Do you know most of my friends don't know this? I don't talk about it not because I am afraid to but the way that I see it to move on from it I need to stop accepting that I am like that, I need to stop talking about it everyday because that's what's keeping it alive. I want to move on and I want to live my life freely. That's the only way that I move on when I stop talking about something and when I don't focus on it anymore.