No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2020-03-12T02:00:47+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Mars 2020 à 02:00 AM

Ever just woke up from a nap and while you're laying you're having really deep thoughts about life? Well I do all the time usually if I sleep more than 3 hours I wake up not knowing what day it is. I think most of us are like when we take naps during the day... I love naps I think it's one of the most refreshing thing in life especially after a long day or before I go out.

One thing that I think is mandatory at the moment is preserving your energy and not allowing people from the outside world change your mood. I just hate it when someone has the power to change my mood, it usually means that I care too much. I get annoyed easily with people but I always try to see the best in them but when I am done with their nonsense I can't even try to act like I'm here for it. When I am done, I am done completely. I cannot go back on my decision.

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2020-03-11T14:30:40+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 11 Mars 2020 à 02:30 PM

hey there,

There is a state of emergency in the state that I am living in but I go to school in a different state so there's still school for me... I hope everyone is safe with the corona virus looming around. Take great precaution you're never too cool to catch a disease, anyone can be sick which is why always remember to wash your hands, carry a hand sanitizer with you, limit body contact with people no hugging, kissing on the cheek or hand shake with strangers even with acquaintances too. I already did not like close contact with people like that so I guess that is no problem for me (the introverts are living the life right now haha)

when I say that I don't like close contact with people that doesn't mean that I don't like intimacy. I love be in close body contact with one person (I do love cuddling but with a selective person) or very few people it's normally my mom first and 1 or 2 people not everyone. I cannot deal with people being too close, I am more used to hugs now before I could never... I don't know why I just don't like being touched by people unless you're part of my religious group, I love my brothers and sisters. some people can just be close with everyone I cannot...I do change before I would not let anyone get too close to me haha I remember there was this person who always wanted to hug me and every time that person is coming I would run or hide. It was so awkward...like please get the hint if I don't want you to touch me you will see that on my face.

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2020-03-10T15:14:30+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Mars 2020 à 03:14 PM

hey there;

it's been a long week already for me. The time has changed I don't know if i'm happy or mad...I guess it's fine. Life has taken a different turn, I am fine with it at first I was salty about it but I've grown for those past few weeks. I could clearly see how immature, dumb, childish I can be at times. I don't feel too bad about it because if I sit here and feel sorry for myself then I'll never grow up. I can't also be happy about it at all because I cannot accept my situation I need to do better. I am not going to sit here and be like I am fully mature for my age but I am not immature either I am just in construction...I have made mistakes and I am learning from them. I feel bad because of them because I knew better I just choose to act like I didn't care. In life we all have to learn but we must take full responsibility for our action.

I am an old soul I don't like childish stuff, but I can act childish at times and I don't know if it's because I am trying to be someone that I am not but when I am alone and I am reasoning with myself I sound like i'm 70 years old. I put myself in a mess and I solve it with my own thinking so why did I choose to put myself in that situation? I don't know it's like I wake up and I am like " OKAY what should I do to mess up my life today? alright let me mess this up real quick" and after that I'm like " really Gaelle you really did that like what were you thinking? how stupid were you to think you could get away with that? like you know better." I think I am more disappointing in myself than other people are of me and that only push me to do better even more, you being mad at me is nothing let me be mad at myself and you'll see a whole different person.

I know that some people may think that I am immature but that's their opinion of me they don't know half of the woman I am and half of the things that I have to deal with on a daily basis, I give myself props for being this strong when so many people tried to make me feel weak and tried to tear me down just because they were intimidated by my presence but guess what? I am not going anywhere if that's where I am supposed to be best believe it I will be there. Unless I decide that it is time for me to go you cannot make me leave just because you hate me. Your opinion of me don't matter, your hate doesn't scare me... I love myself. Even if I make mistake I am still proud of what I've accomplish this far.

You should appreciate your success, you should keep working hard even if you fail that should only motivate you to work 10 times harder. You can change for the better you have to believe it because I bet you most people will choose to remember where you went wrong and ignore the fact that you can change and become a better human being. Believe you can do better, give yourselves that second chance because you need to.

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2020-03-10T00:20:32+01:00

come with me.

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Mars 2020 à 12:20 AM

I want to fly away,

I want to leave it all behind.

If only I could take you with me.

Nothing would make me happier than to have you by my side.

What do I tell my heart when all it wants to do is to run away?

what do I tell my mind when all it wants to do is to think about you ?

I want to take the good out of you and put it in someone else but the bad doesn't want to go away.

I cannot take both.

I'm running away but a part of me is wishing to take you with me.

I don't want to stay in this mess.

I want to take you out of this chaos but you say "it's part of me"

I want to strip the bad out of you and kiss the good.

I want to hold you so tight until the evil in you cannot breathe anymore.

I want to keep you.

cherish you.

protect you.

All you know is how to run away.

My heart is tired of running after you and exhausted from beating so fast for nothing.

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2020-03-09T18:35:38+01:00

so cheezy omg... (not done)

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mars 2020 à 06:35 PM

what is everything if you're not here.

what is me without you.

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2020-03-09T16:39:20+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mars 2020 à 04:39 PM

there's a lot things that I am trying to accept right now. I am accepting that people change for the worse or the better and that I wasn't made for everyone. I am accepting that at a point in time we all get to a point where we reach a stop sign and we stop for a few minutes but I am learning to not stop completely to keep going no matter what. I am accepting that it is okay to be sad and to take a day to feel sad but only one day after that I need to wipe those tears away and be courageous. I am learning that time heals all wound. I am accepting that some days I am stronger than others. I accept that I am emotional and that I am crazy (lol)

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2020-03-09T16:29:47+01:00

wrote it a while ago.

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mars 2020 à 04:29 PM

I am reformatting my brain,

I am trying to forget the color of your car or what type it was.

I am deleting every conversation we ever had.

I am creating new habits because you're no longer part of my life.

I am trying to be myself instead of trying to be someone you would want, but I never know who that was.

I am taking out everything that remind me of you.

Trying to get a different feel of life and seeing it on a new light.

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2020-03-09T03:43:04+01:00

reminiscing

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mars 2020 à 03:43 AM

I see all the pictures of us,

a warm feeling comes over my heart as I think of the old times.

suddenly I get this feeling of panic looming over me.

I am wondering why I smile and you don't in some pictures.

I am looking at them closely and the more I look the less genuine your smile seems.

I am asking myself now if you really wanted to smile or were you doing it by routine.

I can sense something that wasn't there before.

suddenly I want to close my eyes and be transported back to old times....

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2020-03-09T01:18:50+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mars 2020 à 01:18 AM

I have a lot of ideas of things that I want to write about. I really don't make time for it...I wish I had a day to actually sit down to write you know what I need a desk, I need to be more organized. (excuses) haha yes I know. I am sort of distracted at the moment. I have been coming here even though I am busy even though it is late at night I still try to write something because practice makes perfect. I know that to reach something close to perfection one has to work as hard as they could possibly can and still do a little bit more.

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2020-03-07T05:54:36+01:00

how's life.

Publié par Gaelle.R 7 Mars 2020 à 05:54 AM

I am great... I have been eating again and I feel much better. I don't have time for anything other than school, work, God...I am booked. so if you're trying to get a hold of me and you end up here, I have been busy.

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