No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2019-12-31T19:30:17+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Décembre 2019 à 07:30 PM

Hey

Alright I have exactly 10 mins to write this before I start working... let’s see just how far I can go.

To be fair, for you to understand what I am going to say I probably need to explain things. Let me just say that lately I have been feeling so out of it and I feel so discouraged. I didn’t know what was going on and it’s hurting somewhere I just don’t know where. I want to scream but nothing is coming out.

I realize that the enemy will do anything when you’re trying to get to the light. He will try to stop you from getting closer to God. Some people might not tell you but we are all fighting a battle from within. Some of us just have better ways of getting over it and they can recover a little faster than some people but at the end of the day all of us will fall. We want to always be strong, to be happy and hopeful but as soon as you start making your way to God at some point you will feel something trying to break you down... temptation, discouragement, loneliness, hatred, alienation, financial crisis, rejection but let me tell you something from experience I know in the moment it will look so dark because that’s what the enemy wants you to see. Listen to me this is for you and I focus on God close your eyes on the hurt, on the rejection, on the financial crisis or whatever it is just close your eyes and pray. Cry out to God and tell him everything that hurts he know what hurts but you have to ask him to heal you. You have to believe that he can in fact heal you because he can.

I believe Jehovah the creator of all things can make anything possible he can get me out of that place of sadness he can help me get over my fear of speaking what I believe in and any other fears that I have. I believe that he can wake me up from acting like a zombie when I have so much to say and so much to do. What about you what do you believe God can do for you? Write it down for yourself

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2019-12-30T22:30:50+01:00

story time

Publié par Gaelle.R 30 Décembre 2019 à 10:30 PM

Bruh !

Today I had the most unnecessary break down in my whole history of having breakdowns like this one was crazy. I did called one of my friends to say how I feel and I feel so bad for that person right now because all they've been hearing was probably like "blah blah life is not fair, it's hard... I can't"

I don't mean to be so annoying like omg !! I think I apologize to everyone I have put on the spot like that. Now I am fine and I am able to laugh at it but omg it was hard.... I mean I was driving and it was a long day for me and the road was bad there's snow and ice outside. One quick reminder if you're crying or not feeling well mentally just park the car on the side of the road do what you gotta do cry, scream, break something (other than yourself of the car) or throw something out the car just pull to the side to do that because if you're doing all of that while driving you might die or have a car accident. I don't wish that on any of my readers and myself included which is what I will do next time.

I was freaking out so bad I could not stop crying I mean real tears dripping down my face all over my hair, clothes and the wheel like it was crazy. One thing I learn is that it is okay to cry, just let it all out...I don't normally cry (I am not a cry baby) I only cry when it's too much or my feeling is hurt or whatever...but when someone hurt my feeling and I cry that is just quick tears I can move on from that I just tell myself "who cares ? move on they don't worth my tears" but today I could not say that because what I was feeling was coming from within not from someone else.

At the beginning of the year I started a novel and it was going great I think I wrote 4-5 chapters...I was obssed about it at first because it took my mind off of things and I was not that busy, but then I became busy with life and my spirituality took over (that is not an excuse) but let's just say I just wanted to spend time with God sometimes because I had so much going on. Writing a book is like pouring out your energy into something and I don't think I had a lot of energy if I did it was just for a little while, then I got bored. Now at the end of the year I realize that I did not finish anything I started not even that novel...I was frustrated and then I started looking at various areas of my life that I am not doing so good at and I am like bruh do I ever finish anything? then boom tears...

One thing I can say I usually know what to tell someone who's feeling sad even they don't believe what I am saying but I always have something to say but let me just say that I did not have anything to tell myself. I felt like I was my own enemy. I am looking at myself in the rear view mirror and I cannot tell myself to stop crying and to get out the car... I pause there for a few and I don't regret the fact that I cried because I needed to let it out... It feels great now but in the moment my world felt like it was ending.

I am great. I thank anyone who has been there for me one way or another.

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2019-12-29T16:47:36+01:00

relationship

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2019 à 04:47 PM

So I said that I was not going to say what my relationship status is and I think that I should come clean, I want to be myself and not hide especially not here. I always advise all of you to be yourself and to never apologize for it and to also be the best version of yourself.

Truth is started from the beginning of this blog until now, I never talked about my relationship status because there was never an existent status. I have never been in a relationship boooom here's the bomb. I write about love, I write about a guy even but there is no one it all came from my imagination. The things that I know about love have always been from books, my mom or what someone else told me. The reason why I am not in a relationship is not a secret I just want to take my time. I am not trying to be someone else anymore. There it is and I am happy being myself even if it's alone (for now) I am not going to tell you what to do or advise you about what to do in a relationship because I have no knowledge about it but I can tell you how to begin looking for the right one because that is the stage that I am.

I am also not going to tell you to get a significant other or not to get one it is all up to you, just like it is my choice. Make sure you make a decision that is right for YOU.

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2019-12-29T16:30:16+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2019 à 04:30 PM

Hey there !

A recap on this blog, when I first started to blog I was in high school I was about 16 or so...I can't remember I think I was 16 I am too lazy to see the date of my first article. But throughout the years I have changed. At first I started out being bitter (for personal reason) I was glad to share part of what I was feeling with you. After a while I became hopeless and not believing in love, I also became sad for a while which may have been for a long time. Then I became hopeful and to the point where I thought I had love until I started to realize that I needed to love myself... which I did and I shared some tips about what I am doing. Finally this year mostly which is the year I really loved myself better when I started taking my walk with God seriously. I always believed in God and I always thought that there is a creator of all these things that I see on earth and beyond but I wouldn't really try getting closer to him.

Throughout the years I used to participate in some holidays such as Christmas and Halloween or whatever else there is even my birthday but it will come to a shock to some of you, I don't celebrate none of these things anymore for my personal beliefs I may share it in 2020 if I still feel the sharing. My way of seeing things have changed a lot is different now. I cringe while I read some of the old articles because I am not like that anymore at least I am trying to change for the better. I tended to have an ego so big...being mean perhaps it was unintentionally but hey that's what made you connect with me...maybe I was unapologetic well now I am learning to own up to my mistakes and face the consequences and apologize when I need to.

I think I grew up with this blog throughout my teenage years and the beginning of my adulthood. It's great to be here and to have this platform to express my feelings and also trying to be a better writer each day while I help and inspire some of you. I am proud of all of you and thank you for being here !

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2019-12-29T05:32:02+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2019 à 05:32 AM

who would you be if you had no one to love?

and what did you do that make you chase love so much ?

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2019-12-29T05:28:13+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2019 à 05:28 AM

Is it you ?

Why do I feel like I’m going down this road again?

Every time I see myself hitting the gas pedal I want to make a U- Turn.

I can see in my rear view mirror all the things I’m running away from,

But am I ready for what’s ahead?

I don’t want to look straight, afraid I might crash I close one eye and leave the other one open.

I don’t want to press the break because I don’t want to stop here.

I want to get to another place,

All I can think of is a face, one that is stuck in my mind.

My vision got blurry even when I tried to clear my window I still can’t see anything but you.

I’m going faster than I expected and my tank is half full.

Will I get there before I run out of time ?

Will I see you even if my vision is blurry?

Will I have the courage to hit the break when I get to you?

Will I just drive right past you afraid that I might crash into you?

Will I surrender and let you in ?

For now I can only see the road ahead with my blurred vision and a picture in my mind.

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2019-12-29T05:26:37+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2019 à 05:26 AM

Am I tired ...

Of not doing what I want to do.

Of not saying how feel.

Of running away...

Of being quiet when I want to scream

Of not taking a break when I need to

Of not paying attention when I needed to

Of not letting myself be free in crowded places

Of not saying what I want because I feel like I might be asking for too much.

Of saying no when I wanted to say yes.

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2019-12-28T06:03:27+01:00

Belief.

Publié par Gaelle.R 28 Décembre 2019 à 06:03 AM

Today I saw a quote that says "it takes great courage to stand up to your enemy but it takes even more to stand up to your friends" It is true. Your enemy already have hate or something against you but your friends are suppose to love and care about you but now you have to stand up to them because you don't agree with certain things they are trying to make you do...

Today at my job I had a very intensive conversation with my co worker about marriage... the person doesn't believe in marriage and ask me if I believe in marriage. I said yes but I don't think someone needs to get married to be happy, you can also be happy alone.

Let me discuss this a little more, yes I believe in marriage and I think that it is a beautiful thing when it's done the right way. I don't think getting married with someone you just met is a good thing no matter how well you connect with the person you still need time to get to know the person fully, get to know the person as a whole meaning when they're mad, sad and happy see how they react. Find out more about the things you don't agree on instead of the things you agree on because what you agree on will always be okay but what about the things that you don't like about the person can you handle it for life? will you put up with all of it? don't close your eyes on the disagreement because that's the source of the problem.

I believe as soon as you have sex with someone you are married and tied to that person, why? because that's what God create sex for, for two people to come together to become one (tied to each other ) which is what marriage is. Having sexual intercourse should not be a joke it's a very powerful thing and can make your life better or worse.

There was a time I did not believe in love I really thought love wouldn't come my way but remember what I said ? "it all starts with you !!" I do have love because I love myself and if I didn't learn to love myself how can I accept it from someone else I needed to believe that I deserve love and that I can receive it. This is a real thing there are real people out here who are in relationships who doesn't have love to give or even believe in love yet they have a significant other.

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2019-12-25T04:52:25+01:00

How I Feel at Times

Publié par Gaelle.R 25 Décembre 2019 à 04:52 AM

Some days I wake up knowing what my purpose is but other days I wake up not knowing which feet to put first in front of the other.

Some days I know what to wear and other days I just feel like I have nothing to wear while having a closet full of clothes yet I feel naked.

Some days I want to see everyone and I want to talk to them and other days I'm just running away hiding from everyone and everything on sight.

I want to be free from my thoughts that are holding me captive from being the best version of me.

I said I wasn't going to get emotional, I said I will just keep it light and simple yet here I am crying thinking about those days I spent down the hole where everything seemed dark and my thoughts were my own enemy.

I want to run away from myself but I just might end up running into myself again no matter how fast I run.

I want to be normal yet everyone says that it's boring but if they knew what my version of normal is they would think that I am being irrational.

I said that I want to love myself but at times I feel like my own body hates me.

I said that I was going to embrace my flaws but at times it feels like they are slowing me down.

I said I wasn't to care what people think yet here I am wondering if this or that person likes me. Does it even matter?

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2019-12-25T04:07:13+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 25 Décembre 2019 à 04:07 AM

Things in life you should never apologize for

- [ ] Being yourself, don’t ever toned down who you are for other people. There’s something unique about people who are truly themselves. I remember a quote or a post that's said "just be yourself everyone else is already taken."

- [ ] Following your dreams. You should never have to apologize for following what you love, negativity is a virus and a dream killer. Be the inspiration you want to see in your life

- [ ] Taking time for yourself. You cannot give from an empty life. Take time to meditate, time you can spend in gratitude, praying, learning, reading, taking care of yourself

- [ ] Ending toxic relationships. If the relationship is no longer benefiting let it go and protect your energy. Make it clear you can only accept positive things

- [ ] Live in my truth. Standing from things that may be uncomfortable but you know is right. The truth always lead to the best destination

- [ ] For your imperfections. You don’t need to hide them, or apologize for them You should always be committed to improve yourself for yourself. I will be inspired to be the best version of myself

- [ ] Saying no when you need to. Don’t take on too many task it can be overwhelming and can lead to to stress. Learn to say no firmly without negativity.

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