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2019-12-29T05:26:37+01:00
Am I tired ...
Of not doing what I want to do.
Of not saying how feel.
Of running away...
Of being quiet when I want to scream
Of not taking a break when I need to
Of not paying attention when I needed to
Of not letting myself be free in crowded places
Of not saying what I want because I feel like I might be asking for too much.
Of saying no when I wanted to say yes.
2019-12-28T06:03:27+01:00
Today I saw a quote that says "it takes great courage to stand up to your enemy but it takes even more to stand up to your friends" It is true. Your enemy already have hate or something against you but your friends are suppose to love and care about you but now you have to stand up to them because you don't agree with certain things they are trying to make you do...
Today at my job I had a very intensive conversation with my co worker about marriage... the person doesn't believe in marriage and ask me if I believe in marriage. I said yes but I don't think someone needs to get married to be happy, you can also be happy alone.
Let me discuss this a little more, yes I believe in marriage and I think that it is a beautiful thing when it's done the right way. I don't think getting married with someone you just met is a good thing no matter how well you connect with the person you still need time to get to know the person fully, get to know the person as a whole meaning when they're mad, sad and happy see how they react. Find out more about the things you don't agree on instead of the things you agree on because what you agree on will always be okay but what about the things that you don't like about the person can you handle it for life? will you put up with all of it? don't close your eyes on the disagreement because that's the source of the problem.
I believe as soon as you have sex with someone you are married and tied to that person, why? because that's what God create sex for, for two people to come together to become one (tied to each other ) which is what marriage is. Having sexual intercourse should not be a joke it's a very powerful thing and can make your life better or worse.
There was a time I did not believe in love I really thought love wouldn't come my way but remember what I said ? "it all starts with you !!" I do have love because I love myself and if I didn't learn to love myself how can I accept it from someone else I needed to believe that I deserve love and that I can receive it. This is a real thing there are real people out here who are in relationships who doesn't have love to give or even believe in love yet they have a significant other.
2019-12-25T04:52:25+01:00
Some days I wake up knowing what my purpose is but other days I wake up not knowing which feet to put first in front of the other.
Some days I know what to wear and other days I just feel like I have nothing to wear while having a closet full of clothes yet I feel naked.
Some days I want to see everyone and I want to talk to them and other days I'm just running away hiding from everyone and everything on sight.
I want to be free from my thoughts that are holding me captive from being the best version of me.
I said I wasn't going to get emotional, I said I will just keep it light and simple yet here I am crying thinking about those days I spent down the hole where everything seemed dark and my thoughts were my own enemy.
I want to run away from myself but I just might end up running into myself again no matter how fast I run.
I want to be normal yet everyone says that it's boring but if they knew what my version of normal is they would think that I am being irrational.
I said that I want to love myself but at times I feel like my own body hates me.
I said that I was going to embrace my flaws but at times it feels like they are slowing me down.
I said I wasn't to care what people think yet here I am wondering if this or that person likes me. Does it even matter?
2019-12-25T04:07:13+01:00
Things in life you should never apologize for
- [ ] Being yourself, don’t ever toned down who you are for other people. There’s something unique about people who are truly themselves. I remember a quote or a post that's said "just be yourself everyone else is already taken."
- [ ] Following your dreams. You should never have to apologize for following what you love, negativity is a virus and a dream killer. Be the inspiration you want to see in your life
- [ ] Taking time for yourself. You cannot give from an empty life. Take time to meditate, time you can spend in gratitude, praying, learning, reading, taking care of yourself
- [ ] Ending toxic relationships. If the relationship is no longer benefiting let it go and protect your energy. Make it clear you can only accept positive things
- [ ] Live in my truth. Standing from things that may be uncomfortable but you know is right. The truth always lead to the best destination
- [ ] For your imperfections. You don’t need to hide them, or apologize for them You should always be committed to improve yourself for yourself. I will be inspired to be the best version of myself
- [ ] Saying no when you need to. Don’t take on too many task it can be overwhelming and can lead to to stress. Learn to say no firmly without negativity.
2019-12-23T19:58:43+01:00
It's been a year since you've gone,
today was the last day we talked and how I wish I called instead of texting you.
I know that you are no longer here but some days I feel like you're not far.
some days I feel like picking up the phone to call you.
some days I talk about you as if you were still here.
My memories of you will forever remain in my mind.
2019-12-22T06:06:51+01:00
even when i cry i still smile because i know you would want me to be happy.
2019-12-20T05:39:27+01:00
Today I thought about you and I cried so much.
To think that last year you only had 4 days to live.
I miss you so much.
I have so much to tell you.
I wish I had the chance to tell you how much I love you and how much you meant to me.
It's about to be a year since you've been gone and I still can't accept that.
I wish I could bring you back to life.
Why gone so soon?
Some will say that I forgot about you because I stopped talking about you every single day,
but if only they knew how you never left my mind.
always think about you and I always go back to that day when I got the news,
I was on my bathroom floor crying because you're gone asking God why?
I could not believe it.
I wanted to wake up from this bad dream.
I wanted to go back to sleep and wake up to call you hoping you would pick up the phone.
No matter how hard I try to wake up from this bad dream it only got worse and worse as the days go by without you.
Some days tears would run down my face and I would wipe them off but today I let them drown my face, I could not stop them.
I thought there was a time limit to fully grieve but now I'm faced with the possibility that I'll never accept that you're gone forever.
will I stop hoping that one day you would answer my last text?
will I stop telling everyone I know that you're gone even if they don't know you?
will I smile at the memories I have of you ? for now I can only cry because it hurts so much to know that we can't make new ones.
You will forever be alive in my heart....
I can never forget how we used to be it's worth more than anything I have.
2019-12-11T05:14:12+01:00
Voices inside my head holding me captive.
Thoughts racing through my mind not letting me sleep.
Having so much to say yet I say nothing.
Being scared of being judged yet I want to be free.
2019-12-07T05:05:50+01:00
Sometimes life gets tough and you feel like you have no energy to even lift a spoon this is what I usually do... But before I tell you what I do I must say if you really don't feel like doing anything and you feel tired just SLEEP don't force it make your bed your best friend.
1. First thing first put some music on and don't put sad songs. Put some upbeat songs, I like afrobeats and all my friends know lol if you in my car chances are you will have to listen to some African song (sorry not sorry) alright put some music you can dance to. If you're home put the music loud enough so you can go around the room and dance...let yourself be free dance in front of the mirror. Goof around as much as you want. Dance like no one else is watching because really no one is watching (except me) just kidding !
2.second thing you can do when you are so unsure about yourself or don't feel like your best self is to go in front of a mirror and tell yourself all the good things about yourself. Acknowledged how kind, beautiful,strong,nice,thoughtful you are (if you are) lol I know my readers are nice I am not worried about that but I want all of us to acknowledge our strength so we don't focus too much on the areas that we are not so good at.
3. When you feel down and like nothing is going right listen to motivational speech videos it really help trust me. Listen to TD jakes, Les Brown , Sarah jakes Roberts and Micheal Todd they are all on youtube and this year they've all helped me through some difficult times. Especially when you're so young and you are trying to live a peaceful life but of course a lot of things are going wrong from time to time.
4. When you are so confused and you want to hear something from God, Read the bible. I know it's going to be hard at first you don't have to read a lot of pages. Pick a chapter focus on it and meditate pray about what you've read, take notes if you want to. Use some verses as quotes you can write them on post it notes and put them where you can see them. Read them everyday or every time you get a chance to.
5. Watch movies you like and just appreciate it as much as you can. Watch funny videos and laugh don't care about how you sound you deserve a good laugh.
6. go shopping and get yourself some cute clothes. Something about getting new clothes and shoes can make a girl so happy I don't know about guys lol but I know how good I feel when I get home from shopping.
7. Talk to your friends. Tell them how you feel, vent if you need to and joke around.
At the end of the day you need to be happy. You need to have a smile on your face I know life can be hard but it is not a reason to be sad. You should laugh and do not let stress be the highlight of your life, you got this I mean WE got this. Good night !!!
2019-12-05T16:42:32+01:00
The thing about struggle is that you feel like you're going through something big and you never expected it to become so difficult but day by day it's like it only gets worse. You may feel like you're the only one going through whatever you're going through believe me you're not. There are a lot of people who has it worse than you. when I am going through a rough patch I usually remind myself that someone is going through something worse than me even though I complain about my situation and some people may think I make everything a big deal but know that I only say partial part of the problem. I can never tell someone everything that I am going through which is why I always pick some part of the issue that I can say out loud and leave the rest hidden somewhere to say it only when It's about to be too late. Whatever that problem is remind yourself that "this is only a chapter in your life not the whole book" the next chapter will get better and your life will change. The problem you have today you most likely won't have them on the same day next year it may be similar but it would be a different case. Your life is changing everyday you wake up because each day you were giving an opportunity to make a decision to change your life. You can change your life by changing the way you think and the way you see things.
You don't have to be so negative about things. At the beginning of this year I had a very deep conversation with my best friend and she told me all the things that aren't good about myself and how negative I can be. I was very grateful for that because she was right and from then on I made it my goal to become less and less negative to become a positive woman (fight me if you want but I am a WOMAN) anyway... I am so grateful that she told me that which is why it is good for you to go to someone who knows you best and whom you trust to ask them "what bad things or habits do you see in me that I need to change" when they tell you don't get offended because this is your chance to change to become a better human being. Often people get offended when other people tell them what's bad about them I think it's stupid it's for your own good listen and make that change. Now if someone is insulting you and saying bad things about you as a person as a way to make you look bad then that's a different case... I am talking about a conversation you can have with someone you trust about the things you need to change about yourself.
We are not perfect and often we make mistakes that we could've avoided but for some reason we didn't listen to our intuition or all the signs we end up making a mistake, that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it, be gentle with yourself and give yourself enough time to recuperate before you address the situation if it did hurt you. You made a mistake that doesn't mean you're stupid or a bad person. You were following your desires instead of seeing reason which is why you have to think with your mind not your heart... I know it's hard but you have to be logical sometimes especially if it is affecting your spirit and well being. It will get better you will eventually forget about it and move on with your life. Don't focus on the mistake for too long, learn form it and move on. A lot of good things are waiting for you...your dreams are waiting for you go ahead and make them come true.
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