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2019-12-23T19:58:43+01:00
It's been a year since you've gone,
today was the last day we talked and how I wish I called instead of texting you.
I know that you are no longer here but some days I feel like you're not far.
some days I feel like picking up the phone to call you.
some days I talk about you as if you were still here.
My memories of you will forever remain in my mind.
2019-12-22T06:06:51+01:00
even when i cry i still smile because i know you would want me to be happy.
2019-12-20T05:39:27+01:00
Today I thought about you and I cried so much.
To think that last year you only had 4 days to live.
I miss you so much.
I have so much to tell you.
I wish I had the chance to tell you how much I love you and how much you meant to me.
It's about to be a year since you've been gone and I still can't accept that.
I wish I could bring you back to life.
Why gone so soon?
Some will say that I forgot about you because I stopped talking about you every single day,
but if only they knew how you never left my mind.
always think about you and I always go back to that day when I got the news,
I was on my bathroom floor crying because you're gone asking God why?
I could not believe it.
I wanted to wake up from this bad dream.
I wanted to go back to sleep and wake up to call you hoping you would pick up the phone.
No matter how hard I try to wake up from this bad dream it only got worse and worse as the days go by without you.
Some days tears would run down my face and I would wipe them off but today I let them drown my face, I could not stop them.
I thought there was a time limit to fully grieve but now I'm faced with the possibility that I'll never accept that you're gone forever.
will I stop hoping that one day you would answer my last text?
will I stop telling everyone I know that you're gone even if they don't know you?
will I smile at the memories I have of you ? for now I can only cry because it hurts so much to know that we can't make new ones.
You will forever be alive in my heart....
I can never forget how we used to be it's worth more than anything I have.
2019-12-11T05:14:12+01:00
Voices inside my head holding me captive.
Thoughts racing through my mind not letting me sleep.
Having so much to say yet I say nothing.
Being scared of being judged yet I want to be free.
2019-12-07T05:05:50+01:00
Sometimes life gets tough and you feel like you have no energy to even lift a spoon this is what I usually do... But before I tell you what I do I must say if you really don't feel like doing anything and you feel tired just SLEEP don't force it make your bed your best friend.
1. First thing first put some music on and don't put sad songs. Put some upbeat songs, I like afrobeats and all my friends know lol if you in my car chances are you will have to listen to some African song (sorry not sorry) alright put some music you can dance to. If you're home put the music loud enough so you can go around the room and dance...let yourself be free dance in front of the mirror. Goof around as much as you want. Dance like no one else is watching because really no one is watching (except me) just kidding !
2.second thing you can do when you are so unsure about yourself or don't feel like your best self is to go in front of a mirror and tell yourself all the good things about yourself. Acknowledged how kind, beautiful,strong,nice,thoughtful you are (if you are) lol I know my readers are nice I am not worried about that but I want all of us to acknowledge our strength so we don't focus too much on the areas that we are not so good at.
3. When you feel down and like nothing is going right listen to motivational speech videos it really help trust me. Listen to TD jakes, Les Brown , Sarah jakes Roberts and Micheal Todd they are all on youtube and this year they've all helped me through some difficult times. Especially when you're so young and you are trying to live a peaceful life but of course a lot of things are going wrong from time to time.
4. When you are so confused and you want to hear something from God, Read the bible. I know it's going to be hard at first you don't have to read a lot of pages. Pick a chapter focus on it and meditate pray about what you've read, take notes if you want to. Use some verses as quotes you can write them on post it notes and put them where you can see them. Read them everyday or every time you get a chance to.
5. Watch movies you like and just appreciate it as much as you can. Watch funny videos and laugh don't care about how you sound you deserve a good laugh.
6. go shopping and get yourself some cute clothes. Something about getting new clothes and shoes can make a girl so happy I don't know about guys lol but I know how good I feel when I get home from shopping.
7. Talk to your friends. Tell them how you feel, vent if you need to and joke around.
At the end of the day you need to be happy. You need to have a smile on your face I know life can be hard but it is not a reason to be sad. You should laugh and do not let stress be the highlight of your life, you got this I mean WE got this. Good night !!!
2019-12-05T16:42:32+01:00
The thing about struggle is that you feel like you're going through something big and you never expected it to become so difficult but day by day it's like it only gets worse. You may feel like you're the only one going through whatever you're going through believe me you're not. There are a lot of people who has it worse than you. when I am going through a rough patch I usually remind myself that someone is going through something worse than me even though I complain about my situation and some people may think I make everything a big deal but know that I only say partial part of the problem. I can never tell someone everything that I am going through which is why I always pick some part of the issue that I can say out loud and leave the rest hidden somewhere to say it only when It's about to be too late. Whatever that problem is remind yourself that "this is only a chapter in your life not the whole book" the next chapter will get better and your life will change. The problem you have today you most likely won't have them on the same day next year it may be similar but it would be a different case. Your life is changing everyday you wake up because each day you were giving an opportunity to make a decision to change your life. You can change your life by changing the way you think and the way you see things.
You don't have to be so negative about things. At the beginning of this year I had a very deep conversation with my best friend and she told me all the things that aren't good about myself and how negative I can be. I was very grateful for that because she was right and from then on I made it my goal to become less and less negative to become a positive woman (fight me if you want but I am a WOMAN) anyway... I am so grateful that she told me that which is why it is good for you to go to someone who knows you best and whom you trust to ask them "what bad things or habits do you see in me that I need to change" when they tell you don't get offended because this is your chance to change to become a better human being. Often people get offended when other people tell them what's bad about them I think it's stupid it's for your own good listen and make that change. Now if someone is insulting you and saying bad things about you as a person as a way to make you look bad then that's a different case... I am talking about a conversation you can have with someone you trust about the things you need to change about yourself.
We are not perfect and often we make mistakes that we could've avoided but for some reason we didn't listen to our intuition or all the signs we end up making a mistake, that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it, be gentle with yourself and give yourself enough time to recuperate before you address the situation if it did hurt you. You made a mistake that doesn't mean you're stupid or a bad person. You were following your desires instead of seeing reason which is why you have to think with your mind not your heart... I know it's hard but you have to be logical sometimes especially if it is affecting your spirit and well being. It will get better you will eventually forget about it and move on with your life. Don't focus on the mistake for too long, learn form it and move on. A lot of good things are waiting for you...your dreams are waiting for you go ahead and make them come true.
2019-11-30T03:54:12+01:00
hey there.
I am obsessed with looney toons at the moment I have been watching some episodes in french on you tube.
I feel like on those lazy days when you are not feeling your best self it's okay to watch cartoons and to just lay there and reminisce about those days when you were a kid watching the same exact cartoon... well anyway I have been watching a lot of cartoons and I feel great. I want to block out so much from the outside world like scary movies which makes me scared... weird tv shows that just confuses me... anyway I have been trying to run away from things that I don't want but I feel like I have to try harder because I have to protect my spirit and my well being. You need to protect yourself from becoming someone you don't want and it can be hard because of a bad situation you've been through or some people who are around you who only bring out the worse in you... stay away from them.
2019-11-29T04:06:25+01:00
Before I start talking about being powerful let me say what I thing it is. To me I think It's being able to stand tall and to have your head held high in situation where you could have been crying or weak, It is also to have a voice to speak your truths and not being afraid to be criticized or ridicule for it. There are other ways of being powerful
(if you're reading this and there's only a few sentences come back chances are I am not done with it and I am going to finish later, I have a massive headache at the moment which may cause the delay of this article...the idea is there but the mind is not.) *10000000 hours later...
being powerful to me has nothing to do with money because you can be rich and still not be powerful. It is having a mind of your own and stick by what you believe in. It's pursuing what you want and not giving up when It doesn't work. It is persistence and hard work.
Being powerful is being who you are and not apologize for it. Yes there are other girls or other people who have way more than you, they could be bigger,skinnier, smarter, taller but none of them is you and that is your power, if you believe in you than you are already powerful.
After all it is being able to stand back up after a fall. It is being able to stand on your own when no one is standing by your side.
2019-11-27T15:02:34+01:00
Let things be. Sometimes life may throw at us something that may seems like a big problem but when you really look at it from another angle you can see that it is not a big problem it's just a simple issue. Don't make little issues become a big problem just let it go, it's not deep.
Sometimes I tend to create a big problem in my head but after a while I realize that it was not and I was worried for nothing. I chose to not let anyone or anything steal my joy. I will be happy, I will keep going and have a smile on my face, I will make new friends, I will meet amazing people who will see the goodness in me, I will meet people who will uplift me not tear me down. I will be okay. This is just a glitched in the engine but it can be fixed. From now on I will be more on guard and I think we all should. I wrote this because I have been feeling this way for quite some time now about some people. I don't hate them but I have to keep them at a distance to keep my happiness. I am not going to worry about things that don't matter. If It was not important to you then it shouldn't be for me. I am not going to be intimidated for nothing, I did my best and I did put my best face forward. I will be okay.
2019-11-07T18:59:21+01:00
one thing I learn so far.
instead of me starting by saying it's been a while since I haven't blogged but let's act like I never said that and get right into the topic.
I feel like we are learning everyday and sometimes we are learning stuff without even know that we are retaining information. Like it's inevitable if you're living on this earth you will learn one way or another.
My life has drastically change to a point where the old me from like a few months ago would be staring out the me today and be like who is she?
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