No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2017-07-23T04:12:34+02:00

one day

Publié par Gaelle.R 23 Juillet 2017 à 04:12 AM

One day you won't see me again and I wont see you again.

You won't have to worry about me anymore and you won't have to wonder about me only if you want to.

One day it will be the last time I am going to see you and on that day we can put everything behind us.

I don't think you know about that day but I have been thinking...

I have been dreaming about that day and each time I can see how much the distance is going to do us good.

I think that we need time apart, you and I need to cool it for a while.

I know it doesn't seem like we do anything together but the thought of you near me is more than you could imagine.

One day it will be our final goodbye as we say hello for the last time.

One day you will only remember me from your memories if only you were saving them.

It feels like a dream, I know.

But I knew that it would have come to an end very soon.

Not sure if you care but this might be the end for us

I don't think you take this seriously right now and I won't force you to care.

But I know for sure that you will wish for a lot of things when I'm gone.

You will only take this seriously when I'm gone.

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2017-07-22T05:38:58+02:00

...

Publié par Gaelle.R 22 Juillet 2017 à 05:38 AM

This darkness is not so dark,

I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can hear the flowers blossoming as the day is waking up under the moonlight.

I can see myself waking up from a dream and watch it all become my reality.

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2017-07-22T05:23:40+02:00

Break down

Publié par Gaelle.R 22 Juillet 2017 à 05:23 AM

I've had my moments and some of you may not know what's really been going on behind this screen. I think I have limited the amount of information that I share but sometimes you have to let some stuff out one way or another. I have been known as someone who doesn't know how to express herself clearly. I don't really know how to react on some situations. I have been known as someone who seem to take things lightly but those people who think that I don't take things seriously clearly don't know me. I stress about everything and I have to always call my mom and staying on the phone with her for hours simply because she is trying to calm me down. Sometimes I feel like I have schizophrenia, no it is not that extreme but no one really know what is going on inside of me. I don't talk about my problems to anybody like that unless I trust you, feel comfortable with you or you're my mother

so many hardships yet I am still smiling and laughing because I have to be strong simply because it is not the end. God knew I could fight this battle that's why I am going through it he would never give me a weight that I can't carry. For starters I don't give too many details about my life here and I have my reasons but writing is therapeutic to me so I have to let it out one way or another. Some of you do sports or sing which is really good but me I just write until I feel better sometimes I write for the whole day... other times I just dozed off. But for the most part I always try to get back up each time I have had moments where I felt lost and not only that it seemed like I was lost which have been happening a lot recently. I feel like this year is the hardest for some reason because I am growing up at a pace that I never have. I am going through some things for the first time and I don't quite know how to react yet. I am just learning...

I need to learn to take things slow and to realize that everyone have their own time. I will have my own time and it's okay if it's not right now because one day all the pieces we fall back into place. I just need to stay sane and not letting every single thing drives me crazy. I still have a lot to learn we all do but each day we get better at it. I know that we are all fighting our own battles and that mine will never be the same as yours. Which is why we all need to be mindful that everyone have their own way of letting things out. we don't always need to take things personal when someone else do something that upset you it may be because they are going through something although it is still not okay.

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2017-07-17T05:04:52+02:00

Little fight that hurts like hell

Publié par Gaelle.R 17 Juillet 2017 à 05:04 AM

I know how hard it can be to be with someone like me.

I know how difficult I can be but I know that you stick around for better days.

Hoping that one day I will change and that I will always be happy.

I know you want the sadness part of me to go away but that's where my talent comes from.

It's when I'm sad that I make my life decision.

It's when I'm not smiling that I realize all the things I was doing wrong.

It's when I'm calm that I know who I truly am because it's just myself and I.

I know that I close the door on your face a lot lately...

But you need to believe that I don't want you to go away.

I want you to stay with me even though It doesn't seem that way.

Trust me I love every part of you even the parts you don't like. They are my favorite.

How can you possibly think you are not enough for me when you are already everything to me.

It hurts when you go away because I act like I didn't want you there.

I am mad at myself for acting this way because I always want you near me.

But sometimes I just can't accept how much I need you.

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2017-07-16T19:56:47+02:00

truth is

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Juillet 2017 à 07:56 PM

Helloooo

It's been a while...I've been busy learning, reading, driving that's right I drive now Lol anyways enough about me...How are you doing? well me I am good. What am I going to talk about today? well I don't wanna talk about guys, relationship or whatever but I have one thing to clarify.

In the past I had a strong opinion about being single and happy not letting anyone in...I have came to realize that It is okay to let someone in. It is okay to like someone I am still holding back on the idea of truly loving someone but at least now I can see someone that I truly LIKE and admit it. Before I would say no to anything that had to do with love but that's not the way to go because love will always be there and we all need it. Truth is you are going to love someone and you are going to get hurt in some ways you never imagine you could because with love comes sadness. It's okay if the love is strong but what you can do is choose where and when you don't want to get hurt. For example: if you like a guy and you see that he has a girlfriend or talk to a lot of girls while he says that he is single...well then I got one thing to tell you run like the devil is chasing you and never look back...stop with the idea of changing a guy because it will never work. You may think he is changed but his old ways will still remain (my cousin told me that). You may think that he won't find someone better and that he will always stay by your side well baby girl that's where you went wrong because he does not need someone better he just need someone who can give him what he wants. Never be the girl who give a guy what he wants without getting back in return ...like what do you get out of all this? why can't you be happy while he's happy. Being happy around a guy should not be a problem it should be the best thing it should be a problem to him if you are not happy. Some guy thinks that if a girl is happy that means they know what they want and that they are hard to get...that's not it being happy has nothing with playing hard to get it's about knowing where you belong and what you deserve and not letting people walk all over you and change you.

Now I am not about to sit here and say I have not made mistakes in a relationship I have and I think we all because that's how we learn... But you will need to move on just like I did it may take a while but everything takes time so let it be. You will heal in due time. Don't rush the healing process which means don't rush into a new relationship because of a breakup because you will end up missing the person more when you realize that the person you are with now is nothing like the person you were with before. You just need to slow down and be by yourself ain't nothing wrong with staying by yourself because you will learn more about yourself the way you should before you go head over heals for someone who knows nothing about you. When you know yourself you will know when someone know nothing about you because you will realize that you wouldn't do to yourself what that person is doing to you.

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2017-07-06T03:45:53+02:00

explanation?

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Juillet 2017 à 03:45 AM

Hi there,

So my blog took a whole new level... recently I wrote a poem called "confession of a mistreated woman, wife, girlfriend and a girl in process" and It's about loving someone who is somewhat abusive and some of you may wonder where that came from. If you really know me then you would probably be shocked that I wrote something like that I admit that I don't know how to express my feelings well when I am speaking...I write that's my talent well at least I like to think of it that way I don't care what other people think... So basically my poem came from a place that I never thought I had so is all the things I wrote through inspiration, maybe it was because of a song I am not sure. I have never been with someone who was abusive at least I wasn't in a relationship with anyone like that... I met some people who were like that but we were not involved in anything I would hear things, see things and that day when I wrote the poem all of the things I heard,see came to mind. It was painful to write about it and I can never read it out loud. Some people would ask me to read my poems out loud which is the best part as anyone would think because I wrote it but I can't read it. I am not ready to read some of my work out loud to people and I would decline the offer so this is why... First of all I would read it to myself as I write but it's not the same thing reading it to someone else.

Reason why I can't read some of my work is only because it's too personal and it would sound familiar and I am going to sound like I am going through what I wrote. Some people don't know how my mind works and they might take what I wrote to the extreme and I am not going to freak out because I love a reaction. It would be boring if the person just hear me and be like "oh ok that was nice " No I want you to look at me and wonder who is this girl ? what happen to the girl I used to know because when I write I am not the same as long as you understand the difference between "my writing self and speaking self" we are good. Reasons why my poems are not the happiest kind they come from a dark place a place that I am always trying to escape from so why would read out loud and live the same thing I am trying to run away from over again. Even If I was not going through it I am just not ready to take it this far yet maybe one day I will be comfortable but for now...

So as of now I am going to include some story time here where I am going to talk about something in my life...It might not be that interesting but it's an experiment for me and I need to explore that side for now... I hope you all are having a great summer. Mine is not the way I imagined but I am happy...

have a good night...

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2017-07-03T05:12:27+02:00

confession of a mistreated woman, wife, girlfriend and a girl in process.

Publié par Gaelle.R 3 Juillet 2017 à 05:12 AM

While you sleep , I toss around wide awake thinking of you.

While you laugh, I frown thinking about how I'll never be the reason why you are smiling and laughing like that.

While you don't think about me, I spend seconds, minutes and hours thinking about nothing but you.

While you leave and not come back, I desperately wait for that day when you will chose to come back and stay.

while you go about your day like it's nothing, I make it a big deal when you're there.

While you smile when I'm sad, I cry when I see pain written all over your face.

While the first thing you do in the morning is check your phone, I wake up only to stare at you while you're sleeping.

While you can go on not responding to me and ignoring me, I can never take what you say lightly.

While I talk and you don't listen, I have a special area in my brain for all of the things you ever said to me.

While you're able to look at other females and find them attractive, I only have eyes for you.

While you stay out late, I worry and keep thinking about what you must be doing... Then I cry.

While you up all night looking at all these women on your laptop, I'm in the room looking at pictures of you. Pictures of us.

While you sleep and dream about food, I close my eyes only to see your face once again.

While you were screaming at me telling me how I'll never find another one like you, silently I agree.

forever, in sickness and health until death do us part.

While you're able to look at me straight in the eyes, I am not able to fully keep my head straight talking to you. Anymore.

I can feel your heartbeat...

you can only see my body.

I can feel all your senses when we're so close like this.

You can only hold my hand and grab my...

You don't feel it, You don't see it.

It breaks my heart each time I realize how much you don't see.

Yet I say nothing.

I want you to be happy.

I want you and I to go back to be an us.

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2017-07-03T03:48:58+02:00

Liberated

Publié par Gaelle.R 3 Juillet 2017 à 03:48 AM

One last glance and I could tell I was a goner.

All It took was three words and I was paralyzed.

I never thought this day would come where these words would come out of your mouth.

From the way you are looking at me I can tell that this how you really feel.

I can't tell you to keep it to yourself because you already let it out.

Slowly I turn away as the wind blow in my face,

you're waiting for a reaction...

I am thinking and I know what I say now will determine our future.

I don't want to lose you.

But do I want to have you? I ask myself.

The answer is not coming as fast as I wanted it to.

Timidly I put my head down looking at my feet.

You grab my hands saying "it's okay"

Is it ?

but I can't look at you in the eyes because I would hate to hurt you.

I can imagine all the possible ways you could be looking at me right now as I refuse to look at you.

Then I remember what happened to me a few years back...

and I remember how I felt.

So slowly I turn my face to look at you in the eyes and...

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2017-07-02T05:44:04+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Juillet 2017 à 05:44 AM

I believe the scariest thing a girl could say is " I am done trying"

and there's no more stage to reach after that but the end.

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2017-07-02T05:37:06+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Juillet 2017 à 05:37 AM

I would tell you about the people I know and about how selfish they are.

How even though they knew from the beginning that they weren't going to stay...

yet, they come in and act as if they were.

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