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2017-06-25T22:13:46+02:00
I want to ghost for a while. I started to feel some ways and I think I need a break I can't keep doing this. I need to stay to myself live in the moment, I just want to live my life without recording anything ... I want to stay to myself ...
so if one of these days you don't hear anything or see me just know I went with this plan to take a break from it all.
2017-06-25T17:59:37+02:00
Hi there !
here I am once again...
This morning I figured why not blog? I have been on so many adventures and I definitely need to catch up and tell you about what I've been doing lately. I am happy to say the least and I feel much better about myself and my insecurities I was working on them this whole time. I think Once you've embrace your flaws you become someone new or refreshed. I don't care about other people hate criticism as I did before. I will do what's best for me and what makes me happy. I am not going to feel bad if it makes me happy. Once you let someone control you meaning let them have a say in what you do, you can never change that by always do what they want. Once in a while do what You want to do. Do what makes you happy.I always say that here. Maybe from time to time I didn't do something that would make me happy because I knew it would hurt someone else but...Now I realize that if someone really love you and they want what best for you they will let you do what makes you happy as long as it is safe.
Recently I colored my hair and I am so happy because I did. My mom on the contrary is saying I change my hair way to much blah blah I mean she accept that I colored my hair but I know she would prefer if I didn't but it's too late now. She is not mad at me which makes me realize how much she loves me to the point that she let me do something that makes me happy. And I am thrilled. I have been visiting new places and meeting new and awesome people.
one encounter I had at a restaurant...
our server was a guy and I thought he was very cute. I was so nervous because that's how I get when I don't know how to act omg lol... so my best friend notice so she was like" I see you " as in she gets me lol...so she was like I will ask for his phone number for you I thought she was joking because we make this type of joke but damn ! she was serious and she ask him his phone number for me. But he was like oh (awkward laugh) " I'm sorry I have a girlfriend" RESPECT !!! I was so happy he said that like which guy these days will turn down a phone number from a girl who is not bad looking (me obviously) anyways, He was like I'm taken I was so proud of him. I started thinking about how if in the future I have a son I will raise him to be that way... Be satisfied with what you have.
2017-06-25T17:40:47+02:00
I did everything I could but the feeling of "not being enough for you" still remain.
I try to change a few things when in the process I was losing myself.
But you couldn't see that because you never knew who I was.
How could you possibly know I was turning into someone different?
All the things I did for you never mean anything to you.
It hurts for me to see you living like it didn't matter to you.
Slowly I am realizing that you never saw me the way I saw you.
It took a lot for me to accept it...
In the end It saved me,
You had caviar while you search for chicken wings.
Now you've got exactly what you wanted.
2017-06-18T23:27:18+02:00
Hi there,
today is father's day and I was thinking about my dad a lot today and I realize how much I miss him. I always think about him but on that day I realize how much I wish he was more in my life and how he should be the first one I called to tell good news, I do tell him but after I tell my mom or my best friend. I love my dad dearly because he's done a lot of things for me and I love that he never let me down. He might have believe some things people said about me when my mom denied it because she really knows me. I am not sure if he knows me but I know he loves me and I love him too...
2017-06-17T05:15:26+02:00
Hello,
It's been a while...
But I am here again and I will never leave because this blog is starting to feel like a home to me and so I will always be back. I love to come here and talk about different topics or just to get my feelings out in a way that I find acceptable enough to share. Anyways I don't care what someone might say about my thoughts because they change a lot...but one thing that will never change is the way I see life and the way I see an independent woman.
To me an Independent woman is a woman who have her own things that she got because she worked for it not because someone gave it to her or because she ask someone for it. I admire an independent woman and I strive to be one. I am very independent I know I am. At a very young age I learn to do a lot of things by myself when my friends would ask their parents to help them. Like I would take showers by myself very early and I would dress myself when my friends had to wait for their parents to help them. I could not understand why wait when You could figure a way to do it on your own I think I was like that because I hate to wait and I would like to prove that I could do it on my own even though at first I didn't know how. But I would learn or watch how other people do it so I could do it on my own. Because of that I could pretty much do a lot of things by myself and I hate when other would help me and my mom taught me to rely on myself and my strength to get things done. She always say you are very strong little girl and I know you will do just fine by yourself... even though I didn't know that I was strong enough but my mom believed that I was and that made me start believing maybe I could be strong. I am an only child so I had to do everything on my own from playing by myself to create things that could be fun. My cousin was too old to play with me so I would do everything on my own when he didn't feel like playing with a kid. Don't get me wrong I love my cousin he's like and older brother to me but the age gap was just a problem for us to always click until I grew older then we started to click well. But being an only child made me even more independent because I want to do everything by myself and I love it that way. I don't like asking for help and I probably should. Not asking for help does not necessarily means that you are independent it can be annoying because your task just got a lot more difficult instead of just asking for someone to help you. You should always ask for help it does not mean that you are weak, we all need help maybe not constantly but we all do need it.
I just can't see myself not doing anything I mean I have to be working on something to acquire something else in return it might be a check, knowledge or just the thrill of accomplishing something. I consider a woman independent if she work for what she earn. Someone who does not wait for other people and tries to find a way out or a solution. I love buying my things with my own money because I feel like I deserve it and so I will always work hard to earn more. I don't like asking for things I like working for it. Like when I was younger I would get money from my parents for having good grades I would bet with them that I would get an A and they would give me even more money. If someone give me money just like that I would ask why simply because I don't like taking things I don't deserve or didn't work for I would feel bad about taking it.
2017-06-14T17:39:15+02:00
I like somebody who can bring the side I never thought I had,
somebody who can bring the hood out of me.
Someone who I am not afraid to be myself with.
someone who I can say corny things to without sounding dumb as I create a poem.
Someone who will not hide their true self.
2017-06-11T06:34:38+02:00
Talkin about what you gonna do forgetting the real reason why you came...
why you saying all this when you know it's a lie,
your whole life is a lie.
The things you claimed you have you can't even prove them to the world.
You keep lying that you might as well become a lie.
All the things you do don't even make sense no more.
You say one thing but you do another,
who are you?
Do you actually know what you want?
what happened to you?
you used to be better, nicer and smarter.
Now I don't even know who you are...
2017-06-11T06:22:54+02:00
Have y'all ever felt different while in public because of the way other people are like it just hits you about how you really are like damn I didn't know I was like this. Like tonight I realize that, I mean I know who I am already but like I didn't think It was that bad...Lol It's not bad I'm fine but at that moment I couldn't accept my personality and I kinda wanted to change some things about myself. Like most of y'all who seen me but not really know me might think that I'm quiet. I am quiet but I'm not ...Like depends on where I am but I can be a loud person not everywhere. My personality is mixed I can be two different person. But tonight I was lowkey I mean I was poppin like always but I was kinda lay back...I've been like this around some people but I wish I could be myself everywhere. Like I feel like something is holding me back like I am not quiet I know that something is just holding me back...I don't know what It is or maybe I know but I just don't know how to deal with it. But Honestly ... I wish I knew what It was...I love the way I am but I know that sometimes I am repressing my true self and I don't know why.
2017-06-08T03:52:28+02:00
Hi again,
two in one day...
we are living in a world where people do good and bad things. I'm sure you've met someone whom you thought was amazing and incredibly nice and I am also sure that you've met someone whom you thought was the worse possible monster you could ever encounter. You might have been a little bit harsh on with your judgments on the second one but either way you met them throughout your life. Maybe they've changed now who knows? I have met both kinds and for the first one that person was an angel, was never loud, never swear, never got mad or say anything bad about other people. That person made me stop and think about how wicked the world is because in that person's presence all I felt was joy and innocence. But I also met someone who was not so great, that person did all the wrong things, harass others, bullied other people, swears a lot and always had a negative vibe. So I distance myself from that person because It was the worse...
people will do you wrong this is how the world goes. Do you like taking revenge on other people? I mean you would want to do something to make them feel your pain because they did the same thing to you right? Don't do it. As much as you want to do it that you even dream about it. Don't do anything to make them feel pain I am not telling you not to stand up for yourself or let them keep on doing you wrong. Here's what I'm saying if somebody always talk about your insecurities like how short you are, how big you are, how you eat a lot and they even say you're ugly. Usually that person feel threaten by you. You already know that you are not ugly so there's no need to argue or trash their car just because they said some bad things about you. You can't win and argument by shouting and breaking stuff. Why should you try to fight someone who's already in the wrong? then now you are in the wrong too. Let them talk as long as they don't touch you no harm should be done if you know that they are wrong. Them talking is not going to pay for your bills or put food on the table. So keep moving and don't let them change your mood. If they see that whatever they do to stop you you remain undefeated they will stop. Just know yourself and know your worth meaning that you are worth more than they are selling and what they say about you won't dime your light... because even the sun needs the moon to shine and you need some negative things to become more positive...
night babes.
2017-06-08T03:34:58+02:00
Hi there,
First of all my main goal for this blog is to help somebody and to tell somebody something that they been wanting to hear.Second of all my second goal for this blog is to help myself because writing is therapeutic to me, it makes me feel better. When I'm mad or when I'm about to cry I reach for a paper and a pen or I just reach for my phone and go right to notes. Which is why sometimes you may feel the pain in my writing, you may feel that I am sad or happy through my writing because I use my emotions as inspiration. It's all about the mood among other things.
self doubt?
I know if you keep reading this after my unnecessary long intro then you must really want to know what I have to say about this topic. Perhaps you want to stop doubting yourself and you thought about how much you doubt yourself and how you need to stop. You probably thought about ways to stop doubting yourself but listen to me, the first step you need to take about doubting yourself is to realize that it's okay for you to doubt yourself. Now it's time for you to accept the fact that you are doubting yourself, maybe it's because you failed at something and it is okay to fail. You are not going to get it right in the first try or even in the second try what you need to do is keep on trying and you will eventually succeed. With success comes failure. In order for you to succeed you had to fail to realize where you went wrong and to know that it wasn't right. some people learn through other people's mistakes too but they still make mistakes on their own. We all going to fail it's what we do after that failure that counts. Are you going to get up and keep going? or are you going to sit down and feel like a loser and cry about it? put that in your mind " giving up is not an option" so what if I failed at something? I am not stupid because I failed ! I am maturing, I am growing, I am realizing things that I did not know. we all need to fail to know what success feels like because if we always succeed and get what we want then we wouldn't know what real success is because we always win in the end. You need to be a loser to feel like a winner. You need to feel sadness to know what happiness is. Just because I failed at something does not make me less of a person than I already am. Just because I didn't get it right when I was suppose to doesn't mean that I am never going to get right. I know we all want success. we all want to feel like our relationships are succeeding, that we acing a class, that we get the job we want. We all want to feel like we did something right but deep down we always doubt ourselves before we got there. It's okay to doubt yourself because doubting is a fear that you might win and that you might lose also. Now you and I need to keep our eyes on the finish line and stop the negative thoughts in our heads because that fear is what is stopping us. We can do it we just need to be fearless and take more action instead of saying what if.
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