No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2017-05-15T19:03:53+02:00

This empty hole.

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Mai 2017 à 07:03 PM

I got this feeling, No matter how hard I try it's still there.

I wake up every morning hoping that one day it will go away.

Hoping that just maybe today will be different and that I will no longer feel this way.

I think again when I leave the house because I realize once again that nothing have changed.

It's all the same. They are all the same.

But I'm not.

Each day I struggle to find my normal even though I know that It is boring.

But I can't help wanting and saying sorry so much for just being me.

They don't understand this feeling.

All they see is a character that I've created myself,

I don't know who she is.

The other girl that I'm left with late at night is the one I know because that's who I am.

I desperately try to change that girl not knowing that she is everything...

She's the one who holds my talent, my worth, my intelligence.

But I can't see that because of the feelings that came with her.

It's not that I don't want her.

I love her but why does she had to be this way.

I try to change her many times.

And it's just not fair to her because she tries so hard to smile when everything is falling apart.

Why are you so sad ? they ask her

I don't know she says...

She don't know why she wakes up every morning and feeling empty as if she had nothing to hold on to.

She don't know why she lies awake at night and not being able to sleep.

She don't know why she cries so much at night.

But all she knows is that In the morning everything has to go back to normal,

even if she's not.

Even though she feels like she is missing something she tries to feel complete with the little that she has.

It's not simple to just feel complete when all your life you've been wondering about everything.

It's not easy to just feel better when you can't see the way to happiness...

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2017-05-15T03:50:36+02:00

What would you do?

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Mai 2017 à 03:50 AM

okay some people really can take you for a fool ! like how we didn't speak for a while and suddenly you call you or text and expect you to act like nothing happened between y'all. It's not about holding a grudge but are we going to at least address it? One thing I hate Is when people take my or anyone else kindness for granted as If I am always going to be nice and kind to you. I mean you might be a nice person but because someone did you wrong you don't have to smile and put up with. Hell to the no you are suppose to stand up for yourself either you talk it out with the person or you move on. You don't need to always stay by their side. You can always do what's best for you. Reason why I am mostly nice and kind is because I believe if we were all like that maybe the world would be a much better place. Perhaps I am not as nice as I seem but fake it till you make it right? I mean aren't you scared of what you might be able to do that you don't know about... Well that's rather a long question but anyways...What I mean is sometimes you avoid some situation simply because you are afraid of how you will react. It's good to control your temper there's nothing attractive about someone that always start a fight or always started unnecessary argument no one really care about. Just learn to control yourself bragging about it doesn't make you more of a person. There is nothing funny about someone who can't control themselves you walking around like you need therapy or something ain't nothing attractive about it. And to think fighting is your greatest accomplishment why don't you sit down and be humble why don't you take some notes? You don't have to know everything. I am not judging anyone but some people need to hear it sometimes. I may not speak out loud for you to hear me depends on where I am because being a lady matter to me most than winning a pointless argument where I know I'll risk raising my voice and sounding like a mad woman but...You should know better. A woman can only take so much. Just because she liked or even loved you doesn't mean that she will always do so. She has feelings and If she's me she has too much pride to settle less than what she deserves...Like myself personally I can only take so much one thing change my mind, I don't need much to see reason. I don't need much to move on. Just one sign, one time and I am done. I will still be there Nope I am not going away because I'm strong like that, I'll stay and watch you and I might even answer you but just know that I am not really there. I already made my mind. And I've been done.

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2017-05-12T03:50:23+02:00

what sound are you grateful for?

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Mai 2017 à 03:50 AM

Sound really? The only think I can think of is music which I am very grateful for. Without music life would be totally different have you ever thought about it? Like how life would without certain things? Like I cannot see myself living with no music. I need some rhythm In my life. if I were to answer that music so that would be music...well the sound of music. And the cello, piano what else guitar and bass...Well I guess that's all I can come up with so far.

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2017-05-10T21:26:02+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Mai 2017 à 09:26 PM

I'll be there for you when you need me as long as you don't turn away from me.

I'll stay by your side as long as you hold me as I fall asleep and you don't disappear the next morning

I will hear you when you speak if you listen to me silently.

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2017-05-10T21:20:51+02:00

what food are you most grateful for?

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Mai 2017 à 09:20 PM

First of all I need to say that some people think that I don't actually eat most importantly my family LOL... truth is I do eat. And you just haven't seen it yet but trust me I do But to start answering this question which I find too specific since it takes me a long time to find out what I really want to eat. Now I gotta find which food i'm grateful for? I mean I'm doing my best to stay positive at the moment. So I guess I am grateful for steak ? LOL I can almost see someone smiling of course steak ! I mean I am also grateful for mash potatoes, corn, rice (not all the time) vegetables such as broccoli I am most grateful for broccoli because I loved it since I was younger.

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2017-05-09T06:03:00+02:00

what color are you grateful for?

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mai 2017 à 06:03 AM

Hi there,

everyday I am answering these questions for 30 days...so uhm color uh ?

well I am grateful for Red I love red because It brings out my skin tone and I am also grateful for it because it's the color of happiness. I don't wear it everyday...I am also grateful for black because that's my go to color. This color is just always there no matter what mood I'm in whether if I am happy or sad It's just there so I am grateful for it also. I am also grateful for pink which was my favorite color for a very long time I couldn't care less now but any decoration or some accessories you're giving me I wouldn't mind if it's pink like(phone case, mirror, hair brush, blanket, curtains, lamp,shirt,T shirt) Yeah things like that I am grateful that they are pink but like anything else like shoes and pants no no I don't want that in pink.

Well that's all for today ...

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2017-05-09T02:13:31+02:00

what technology are you grateful for?

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Mai 2017 à 02:13 AM

Hi there !

As I mention before I am taking a 30 days of gratitude...

I think I already explain that. To answer this question I had to think about if they want me to choose one or many because I am grateful for more than one. First of all I am grateful for my phone because I get to stay connected with people near and far and all of my reminders are right in there. I am grateful for my cellphone because I get to talk to my mom who sadly is not near me and my friends near and far whenever...I love that I can talk to someone on the phone even if they are miles away. I am grateful that I can just text someone whenever. what else? I am grateful for my laptop because all of my work are in there and I always blog from it because it feels more personal that way... I am grateful for all two and many more like my ipod which I don't use anymore since you can get all the music you could possibly want to listen to in your phone. But I am grateful for my Ipod because there was a time it was the only piece of technology I had and I was soooo happy to have it.

I can't think of any more because I have a headache...but I know that I want a desktop one day so then I will be grateful for it too. Alright that will all answering this question because I think soon enough I'm going to start talking about something else and I might start to complain and I am currently trying to positive side of everything. Let see how that go ! LOL

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2017-05-08T04:44:13+02:00

30 days of gratitude

Publié par Gaelle.R 8 Mai 2017 à 04:44 AM

I'm about to take A 30 days of gratitude where I am going to talk about things that I am happy for and grateful for... It is not a challenge I just figured that I need more positive things in my life so I am going to start by looking at things that I like.

what smell are you grateful for today?

Well today was not a busy day for me so I did not get to explore much but one thing that I like to smell in the morning is coffee I love that smell even though Coffee is not my favorite drink yet I love its smell. It's like a strong scent that wakes you up in the morning.

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2017-05-05T05:09:22+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 5 Mai 2017 à 05:09 AM

That feeling when you want to run, cry,scream all at once but you can't move. You don't even want to move. That thing that's eating your heart. you're thinking about so many things... why me? what did I do to deserve this? Why am I feeling this way? Why did this happened to me?

I felt like an outsider for once. Between us there was never anything separating us but today I realize that I was wrong. There was a lot of space between us and I wish I didn't see that...I wish I was still in the dark because I was so happy not knowing. and now that I know I am not sure what I'm going to do...how could I possibly? why did I ever think that I deserve something so great? I trusted you so much...It hurts and I am not sure where...all the things being said they cut like knives...I wish I never let you have that power...but it's too late now. It still hurt more than could ever possibly imagine. I saw my reflection when I look at you but now I am not sure anymore... I took notes because you did too and I never noticed because I was too comfortable. I needed you so much...you made me stay...you gave me a reason and you never knew that...I don't know how i'm suppose to feel...

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2017-04-30T23:49:00+02:00

chit chat

Publié par Gaelle.R 30 Avril 2017 à 11:49 PM

Tit for Tat?

If I were to be completely honest I'll say that I hate to get personal and sharing things about myself but sometimes I may give you the impression that I am telling you everything about me...but...It's not true there's usually a lot more to the story. My explanation is never the whole story usually it's more complicated than that. I got a few things on my mind and my head is heavy. I would hate to share what I'm going through because no one really care...they just want to hear your misery and laugh only because they have nothing else to focus on. I hate being lied to, Not only that but I hate being underestimated. I hate when someone is saying some things, doing some things and expecting me to never find out ! Don't you know me? I will find out anyway it may take a while but when I do my reaction won't be bogus. Enough about my internal conflict...I would hate to bring my issues here. But so far checking in everything about me is the same but I am not. Not anymore. There's always a point in your life where you need to change, when you need to grow up. There's a time to have fun and a time to be serious. Nothing should be taking lightly at least that's what I think. Everything has its own purpose, Everyone have their own Idea of what their lives should be and I have my own.

I don't really know what I am talking about but I figured I should just come here to get my mind off some things. Aren't you tired of doing the same thing? going to the same place? and expecting ... I am at this point where I am tired of it all. I don't hate everything I mean how could someone possibly hate everything? I think It's just a saying I don't believe that someone can hate everything no that's impossible. Unless that person is depressed but that's a state of mind. Do you take time and think about everything that you want? I am talking about materialistic things right now...I don't always talk about that. But sometimes you kinda have to think about it...among other things I am not being romantic at this moment I can't I am kind of bitter not for some particular reason...I think my poem from last night contradict me but I am only being real. Nothing bogus here.

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